My Babysitter's a Vampire "Say You'll Be Maztak" Recap & Review

There are a lot of singular words to describe “Say You’ll Be Maztak”: “Hot”, “Funny”, “Cool”, and I’m sure a lot of people are saying some variation of “Sexy”.

Versus the season premiere episode, “Say You’ll Be Maztak” was a more laidback and comical episode, one that could be attached to the first season. A Mayan queen named Lucia (portrayed by Shiva Negar) prepares for a ritual where she wants to be united with her sun king which will lead to the end of the world, but luckily, that doesn't happen. I’m guessing for now the storyline involving the creator of the “Breath of Death”, who is coming after vampires is taking a back seat for a while, no complaints about that, for now.

I have a few things I think I should note, like for one how Erica seems to have reverted back to her old self, calling the boys geeks and “nerdlingers”, thought she was past that. However, it was nice to see her and Sarah saving the day, and looking good doing it. We also saw Rory with “vampire eyes”! And as always, nice to see the teachers of Whitechapel High; namely Mr. G and Principal Hicks, too funny! This episode Disney did a little better taking to commercial breaks, but they still seem abrupt, especially how the episode closed out, it was kind of weird to me.

My only real irk about this episode is that Jane couldn't fully help save the day; I would say she’s just a little girl, but it looks like she’s growing up, fast. Also, it still seems the writers are packing so much into thirty minutes, makes me wish this show was an hour long.

This was a very funny episode, filled with hot shirtless guys, and beautiful vampires saving the day… so “Praise the Sun King!”

Here is the recap:

Cast:
Matthew Knight – Ethan Morgan
Vanessa Morgan – Sarah
Atticus Mitchell – Benny Weir
Cameron Kennedy – Rory
Kate Todd – Erica
Also: Ella Jonas Farlinger – Jane Morgan
Joan Gregson – Grandma Weir
Hrant Alianak – Principal Hicks

Guest stars:
Shiva Negar – Lucia
Ryan Blakely – Mr. G
Darryl Hinds – Vance Munce
Jimmy Yu – Bob
Mackenzie Ross – Doug

Written by: Jeff Biederman
Directed by: Kelly Harms

The episode starts with Mr. G planting outside the high school, tossing the soil and making plant jokes when he digs up a crystal skull, amazed, he leaves the flowers and takes the skull inside. As he took the skull away from where it was buried, the skies became cloudy and thunderous. He sits the skull on a desk saying how the students will love the archaeological stuff he “dug up” on the skull. Mr. G touches the skull and it begins glowing and a large flash knocks him on the ground.

Moments later Mr. G comes to, seeing a beautiful woman standing over him, holding his head, he asked her who she was. She told him she was Lucia, and that she had been summoned. Mr. G asks is he being replaced and how long was he out cold; Mr. G then goes to see the nurse.

When Mr. G exits the classroom, Lucia picks up the glowing skull just as Ethan and Benny walk into the classroom, amazed at the woman. She welcomes the “young warriors” and introduces herself, Ethan and Benny staring deeply at her, Rory then comes in standing in front of them, hearing Mr. G had a substitute. Rory asked them what prank they should pull, they turn him around to look at Lucia and all three in unison say “hottest sub ever.” Lucia begins to smile at them.

In the classroom, all the students, which were male, were staring at Lucia as she was speaking in a foreign language and writing symbols on the chalkboard. Ethan was confused and whispered to Benny what was she saying, Rory “shh”-ed him and absentmindedly said he was trying to concentrate. Benny asked him did he understand her, he then asking was she talking, he didn't notice.

Sarah and Erica are staring in the classroom window at Lucia; Ethan sees them and opens the door the girls asking who she was. Ethan says it’s Ms. Lucia, subbing for Mr. G and saying that she was so nice. Erica asked him did he have little wooden stick darts, Ethan asking did she mean pencils. Sarah explained that some vampire jerk stood Erica up and that she wanted to make a point, she was interrupted when Lucia comes to the door, telling Ethan all warriors must get to work, that the hour of judgment was approaching. 

Ethan breathlessly goes back into the classroom, Erica asking Lucia where the girl warriors were. Lucia told her they were banished and that maidens have no use but to serve their queen when the hour is at hand. Sarah and Erica both exchange a look, Sarah noting that was weird, Erica walking off said that she wanted to turn the sub into a sandwich. Ethan asked Benny what Ms. Lucia mean by the “hour of judgment”, Rory amazed answered she was talking about a test. Lucia turned around and said they would all be tested. 

Benny’s hand flew up, asking her to test him first, and was the question “was she pretty,” answering it by shaking his head “yes” and laughing. Lucia asked the class who would help her and everyone’s hands flew in the air everyone wanting her to pick them. Lucia commented that the students didn’t have any idea what she was about to ask. Rory asked her to pick him, that he had even less an idea. She told them that they must make an altar, in which to give offerings to the light. Ethan was the only one to put his hand down.

Rory told her he didn't think he could do it, and he began telling her how he tried to put a hot tub in the science lab when her eyes began glowing at Rory, his glowed for a second and he then stood up and told her that her altar would be most awesome. Ethan was about to comment how what Rory said was lame until Benny jumped up and yelled he was in, the rest of the class joining, some of them moving desks to the front of the class. Ethan sat where he was, not believing what he was seeing.

After class Ethan said the homework they got from Lucia was weird, Benny asked him “what part of sacred list of offerings to please the heavens did he not understand,” Ethan told him all of it. Ethan noted he didn't understand half of what the stuff was, or where to even find it. Benny told him to never question the orders of a babe, Benny told him if he didn't mind, all he needed to be teacher’s pet was bloodstone.

Erica and Sarah walked up, Benny asking them if they had bloodstone because it sounded “vampire-ry”. Erica joked she could make him bleed with a rock. Sarah asked were the boys freaked, because their freaky sub gave them freaky homework. Erica adding, hot teacher, frozen brain, and said singsong, “done” Ethan defended that his brain wasn't frozen, until Lucia walked by, her eyes glowing, he then said breathlessly that he had to find something on the homework.

Erica peeved asked Sarah was she nuts, or were they just blown off by nerds. Sarah knows something messed up is going on. Meanwhile Principal Hicks notices Lucia, asking who she was and who authorized her to make a desk fort. She told Hicks to mind his tone while addressing her, she said that she came to return the world to endless light. Principal Hicks said that she was crazy, cuckoo, and that her deck was less than full. Lucia touched Hicks’s shoulder and he then said “as you command, my queen.”

Sarah and Erica walk into the class, Sarah upset that Lucia was still there and hoping she was subbing for their class too. Erica commented that she wasn’t even all that hot. Lucia turned to them and Erica said irate that she was a goddess, but that she could still hate her. Hicks said Lucia was a queen and not a goddess, Lucia saying she told them to go, calling them maidens. Sarah asked that she wanted them to skip class; Erica interrupted leaving saying “done and done”.

Sarah asked Principal Hicks was he cool about it, he responded that Lucia was his queen and that he was her throne, he kneeled on the floor and told Lucia to please be seated, Lucia sitting on top of Hicks’s back. Sarah freaked out, quickly left the classroom, Lucia smiling deviously at her. Meanwhile outside by a dumpster, Ethan, who was holding some flowers, was reading off some weird things Lucia wanted, like cow lips, pigeon feed and snake liver. Benny popped up out of the dumpster, excited he found a garbage bag filled with old hotdogs, claiming they were full of animal bits and that Ms. Lucia was going to love him.

Rory rushed over to steal them from Benny, needing them for his queen, Benny told him to get his hands off of them, calling him a weenie. Rory then began hitting Benny with a trash bag, repeatedly saying she was his queen. Ethan got a phone call from Sarah, who told him to forget the stupid scavenger hunt and that his teacher was getting weirder and weirder, Sarah telling him to wake up because something was seriously wrong, telling him how Lucia got Principal Hicks to be her throne. Ethan told her that that wasn’t right, that Principal Hicks hated being sat on, he told her not to worry, that he’d look into it.

Ethan ended the call to see Rory and Benny about to fight each other with hotdogs, warning them it was all fun and games until someone gets a hotdog in the eye, which is what happened to him when Rory threw one at Benny. Later Ethan walked to class and heard two guys say “sun king”, Benny bumped Ethan rushing to Ms. Lucia, happily showing her sound wildflowers, animal parts, and a frog hearts. Rory told him that he couldn't beat his frog hearts; he held up a container and said they were still beating.

Ethan then agreed with what Sarah had told him. Lucia said that the offerings were pleasing; she then said the altar must be made to shine like the sun. Benny said “no problemo” until she said it needed to be covered by the purest gold, Benny then said “uno problemo”. Lucia walked up to Benny and placed a hand on his shoulder, he mumbling, “did someone leave a window open?” before smiling at Lucia and walking out of the classroom. Ethan asked where he was going, he answered to seek gold for his queen and adding, praise the sun king, Rory agreeing and walking out behind him.

Lucia asked Ethan did he have any offerings, he didn't so she told him to bring her extra gold. He told her that most teachers were happy getting an apple, she told him the gold wasn’t for her, but for her love, bringer of light, she was holding the skull. Ethan asked her that she wasn’t from the school district. Lucia then touched Ethan’s shoulder, triggering a vision, he saw Lucia with the sun and fire behind her and in her eyes. She asked him was something wrong and called him funny face. Ethan stammered that he had some gold stars on his algebra test that were extra shiny.

He went to go get them, but she stopped him and demanded him to do as his queen commanded, forcing Ethan to look into her eyes. After that he said “praise the sun king” and exited the class, Lucia holding onto the skull.

Later at the Morgan home, Jane was doing her homework as Sarah came up, asking for Ethan, Jane told him that he was acting insane, even for himself. Ethan was upstairs, frantically looking for gold. Jane asked Sarah what a Lucia was when Ethan ran out of his room saying “gold for his queen”. Sarah deduced the guys at school were under a spell and said it was up to the girls to save the day, Jane said to count her in, but Sarah corrected that she meant herself and Erica.

Back at school, Benny told Lucia he found some of his grandmother’s antique jewelry. Ethan had a handful of gold coins, but they were chocolate, and they melted. Lucia said it was close enough and told them to put them in the fire, Rory came in yelling “GOLD,” carrying a duffel bag full of it. Ethan asked him where he got it, he answered he got it from the bosom of mother earth, he emphasized that he dug it up. Lucia told Rory that the sun king would be pleased and kissed Rory.

Benny objected to her kissing Rory, claiming he was immortal and asked how they could compete, Lucia then commanded them to melt the gold over the altar. As they were about to, Mr.G came back into the classroom and said he was shipshape and that he wanted his classroom back, along with the crystal skull. Then Mr. G noticed the open fire, noting that the fire marshal would object. Lucia remembered that Mr. G called her forth and said that he would be the bearer of the sacred vessel.

Mr. G said it was a persuasive offer and that she was more smoldering that the fire but as he was about to continue, she made Mr. G look into her burning eyes and he then said “praise the sun king and call me sacred vessel.” Lucia handed him the skull and he and the boys started making a thrilling noise, Ethan yelling to praise the sun king.

Later Mr. G and the male students in his class came down the stairs of the school chanting and praising the sun king, and were shirtless, symbols drawn on their stomachs. Erica and Sarah shared a weird expression as Benny and Ethan argued over who praised the sun king more. Lucia said the sun king was pleased and that he would return, and she told them to cheer. They all shouting “Horary” and Lucia said the final ceremony would demand the ultimate sacrifice. She asked them which one of them were worthy enough to be her chosen one, everyone yelling for her to pick them before walking off chanting.

Erica snidely said that Lucia thought that she was so hot, she was making her blood boil, the sun scalding her skin. Sarah noted that Lucia was heating the whole world up. Erica noted the sun was turning her skin into human fondue and she says if she finds the sun king she’ll knock his teeth out. Sarah told her they need a plan fast, and to think what would Ethan and Benny do. Erica says to her “no offense” and says it’s really a stupid idea. Sarah scolds just because she adds “no offense” doesn’t make it less mean. Erica asks her why think like nerdlings when they can kick butt like vampires. On the other side of the hallway, the males were still chanting.

In the classroom, Ethan, Benny, and Rory were vocally fighting over Lucia when Erica and Sarah walk in, asking for “what’s her face”. Benny answered her, the queen was preparing for the sun king’s return, Rory saying he was going to be the chosen one. Erica said she wasn't leaving without smashing something, Sarah pointed out the skull. Ethan defended that they would die in defense of the queen’s skull, especially Rory. Erica simply said “whatevs”, she was about to go after it, the boys in a protective stance, Sarah stopped her telling her they were under a spell, and that they should retreat and come up with another plan. Erica hissed at the boys and said they’d be back. The boys began chanting as Mr. G yelled to them to “praise the sun king” Sarah joked that if it wasn’t a spell, it was the worst glee club ever. The boys still chanting to the sun, which looked to be expanding.

At the Morgan’s home, Jane was watching a weather report where the weatherman seemed to be under Lucia’s spell as well. Lucia on the news saying the altar was prepared, the ceremony was about to begin, and to welcome the sun king. Sarah told Erica if they didn't act before sundown, the sun was going to take their friends with it. Grandma Weir was glad Sarah called her, Sarah told her she figured they needed to come up with a plan like Ethan and Benny would. Erica added, then give up and call her, the way Ethan and Benny would.

Grandma explained that “Lucia” was an ancient Maztak name, that the Maztak’s were big on gold and animal hearts. Sarah saw an illustration in a book Ms. Weir had where the sun king and the sky queen created the earth together, but an argument between the two brought eternal night to the world. Erica joked that too bad they didn’t have couples’ counseling, Sarah continued to read where it said, prophet’s say one day a queen will make an offering so pleasing that the sun king will return to the earth in an explosion of light that will end the mortal world.

Erica joked that at least she didn’t have to finish an essay. Sarah noted that Lucia had the boys build an altar at school, and that she said the hour of judgment was tonight at sundown. Ms. Weir asked them what they were doing yammering with an old lady, and that it was up to them to save the world. Sarah agreed, it was girl power and that they needed to get their geek on and fast. Jane then rushed into the room happily; Erica corrected her and said that Sarah said “girl power, not little girl power.”

The male students stood in the classroom as Lucia said the ceremony was about to begin. Mr. G sat the skull on a stand; Lucia told him the light must hit it at the perfect angle, the skull began glowing soon after. Lucia commanded them to prepare the chosen one; the final offering must please the sun king. Rory then shoved all the other students out of the way, proudly saying he was the chosen one, number one. Ethan asked Benny how he would figure the guy who gets picked last gets to be the chosen one, Benny couldn’t believe he was jealous of Rory.

A single beam of light was glowing out of the skull, hitting the altar, which Rory was laying on, surrounded by his classmates. Rory complained that it was warm and asked could the chosen one get someone to fan him. Lucia told him the warm wouldn't last long, and that neither would any of them.

The sun appeared to be growing even more; Sarah was reading the book as Erica asked where the big plan was. Sarah snapped, she was trying to find Lucia’s weakness and her power source too. Erica said Lucia’s weakness was her taste in robes, and glass heads. Sarah bet that the crystal skull was Lucia’s power source; Sarah read that the sun’s light was hitting the skull and asked Erica why did the sun and the earth split up in the first place. She answered with long distance relationships never work out. Jane chuckled and complimented the joke.

Sarah read where they split because the moon goddess got between them, Erica suggested calling the moon goddess and asked Sarah did she have her cell phone number. Sarah suggested that maybe they didn’t need the actual moon, but something that will channel the moon’s energy. Jane chimed in that she knows a big geek who paid six months allowance to buy moonstones online, and that he sleeps with them under his pillow. Erica goes over to Ethan’s bed to feel under the pillow and she pulls out a rag and drops it back, disgusted. Erica says now she’s going to have to chew off her hand. Sarah digs under Ethan’s pillow and get them herself. She and Erica then leave, Jane yelling out “you’re welcome” behind them.

Lucia told Ethan and Benny they could now anoint the chosen one with precious oils. Ethan and Benny were reluctant Ethan asked her must they; Benny suggested it’d be easier to spray him. Rory told them they heard their queen, and to anoint him. Grossed out, they anointed him, Rory complimenting their anointing. Mr. G liked how pretty the skull was with the light hitting it, the beam of light hurt Rory when it touched his skin. Lucia commanded him to not move, and said the chosen one was a sacrifice, and to obey his queen.

Rory hissed at her, his fangs showing. She said then that he wasn’t pure, he was cursed, and that he was not the chosen one. Benny noted that they had just rubbed oil all over them and said that he wasn’t even pure, with an accent. Rory objected and said he smelled like coconut, she demanded Rory get off the altar at once. Ethan whispered to him, better luck next time and Lucia pointed out Ethan, saying he had a pure heart and that he was the final offering. Ethan happily accepted and jumped onto the altar, Benny objecting. Lucia grabbed Ethan’s hand, triggering a vision and his saw part of his first vision the first time she touched him, but now he saw the Earth was on fire.

Ethan snapped out of his trance and said they had to stop, Benny called him puppy face and told him to suck it up, because if it’s what the queen wants, then so be it. Lucia smiling satisfied. Outside the school, Sarah and Erica were dressed in all black and wearing helmets. Sarah said they had the moon rocks and paint for the window, Erica warned her they were risking their lives on a flimsy plan based on some old legend. Ethan continued to warn the other students they were under a spell and she was about to destroy them all, Benny told him no one likes a sore winner.

As soon as the beam of light hit Ethan, everything started rumbling, like an earthquake. Sarah and Erica then dashed black paint onto the classroom windows, darkening the room and blocking the sun. Lucia angrily asking, who dared to defile the sun king’s sacred temple, and then Sarah and Erica came into the classroom, taking off their helmets. Sarah quipped, that the weathergirl’s were there with an updated forecast, Erica adding cloudy with a one hundred percent chance of butt-kicking, Ethan looked happy to see the two girls. 

Lucia commanded the warriors to attack, as controlled students came towards Sarah and Erica, the girls shoving them to the floor as they did. Lucia took a chair and shattered one of the painted windows. Ethan who was tied up on the altar was trying to break free. Benny and Rory approached the girls, Benny telling them they looked hot and too bad that they had to destroy them. As Rory and Benny were about to try to touch the girls, they hit them in the face with the moon rocks and shoved them to the side.

The boys coming out of the spell, Benny noticed his hands were oily, and Rory noticed he looked like a basted chicken. The two then put two and two together on what happened and groaned disgusted. Lucia stood over Ethan with the skull telling the sun king to accept him as a sacrifice, to purify the earth and return the fire. Sarah said there was one final offering from the moon god, and threw the rock at Ethan, who hit Lucia in the face with it.

Lucia yelled in pain, dropping the skull, and vaporizing, Ethan watching in shock and amazement. Then the sun started shining normally and the students and Mr. G were confused, Sarah told him that they just saved the world, Erica adding that they looked pretty amazing while doing it. Ethan added “true story.”

Later, Ethan complained to Sarah about her smashing his moon rocks and that it took his whole life to save up for them. She told him that she just saved his life, for free. Ethan then said he guessed the way she stopped Lucia was pretty cool. Sarah wished Mr. G thought it was cool; he suspended her and Erica for smashing the skull. One student thought it was sweet she did that, Sarah corrected him and said not literally. Ethan was shocked because Mr. G had never given anyone detention, because he was way too nice. Ethan said she and Sarah would be legends; Erica appeared and said they preferred the term “goddesses.”

Sarah smiled at Ethan before walking off after Erica; Ethan had an awkward expression on his face before walking off as well, the episode jumping to black.

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